I give up

Sometimes, I need more than 140 characters.

"a little drunk on intuition, maybe taking things too far"

Every time I don’t have the proper ingredients while cooking

Post reblogged from dusty library

lookbehindthebookshelf:

bastardfromabasket:

Cooking instructions: Add one cup milk (low-fat)

Me: Oh no. Oh fuck OH FUCK I ONLY HAVE WHOLE MILK. No no no no no this is awful. Do you think it’s okay to just substitute it? No they specifically say low fat. FUCK. I don’t have any other options. No. Shit no I can’t FUCK, No, it’s okay. I’ll just use whole milk. What’s the worst that could happen? It’s not like it will be poisoned BUT WHAT IF THERE’S SOME INGREDIENT IN THIS MIX THAT BECOMES POISONOUS WHEN MIXED WITH WHOLE MILK AND THAT’S WHY THEY SAY LOW FAT. WHAT IF THE FAT IN THE WHOLE MILK BOILS OVER IN THE MICROWAVE AND MELTS MY MICROWAVE AND THE HOUSE BLOWS UP?

Cooking instructions: Add 2/3 cup peanut butter (smooth)

Me: YOU FUCK RIGHT OFF.

Oh, bless.

this is totally my internal dialogue every time I cook. I’m also constantly freaked out that I will poison everyone with undercooked food. As a result, I scorch the daylights out of everything. N. says that if the human race REALLY had to abide by my safety standards, we would have never made it out of the cave and died out right there and then.
- 71
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  this is totally my internal dialogue every time I cook. I’m also constantly freaked out that I will poison everyone with...
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50. fiberistheanswer said: I bet you try and measure the right amount of each ingredient in too.
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